I’ve been thinking a lot about compliments lately. About phrases many women think they want to hear from the men who love them. One of the most common: “You’re so beautiful.” I’ve been thinking how many things that phrase can mean depending on the circumstance, the person, the couple, the power dynamic. If the man […]Read More Domestic abuse tactics: The danger of compliments
Trigger warnings: sexual abuse, sexual coercion. I believe sexual coercion is a form of sexual abuse and when in an intimate relationship is a form of domestic violence. It is damaging to the very core of a person’s psyche and I hope my story will help others not familiar with what sexual coercion is get […]Read More Sexual Coercion as Domestic Violence
You may notice I refer to myself as a victim or survivor of domestic violence (DV) even though my abuser was never physical with me. In Australian DV includes physical, sexual, emotional and psychological abuse. According to my dear friend Wikipedia, “…in Australia, domestic violence is defined by Family Law Act 1975 as “violent, threatening or other behaviour by a person […]Read More Domestic Violence: A Definition
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? How do you find a word that describes the effects of non-physical abuse on the psyche and advocate for yourself when most people think physical bruises must be present for abuse to have occurred? I’ll stop ruining a beloved song from one of my favourite […]Read More How do you solve a problem like defining non-physical domestic violence?
I feel like I want to fall inside someone else’s skin tonight. Someone safe and warm and heavy. Just heavy, solid, unchanging. Not a mirage or fae, a real person who lives and breathes imperfectly but truthfully and honestly. And lovingly. The loneliness of surviving domestic violence can be excruciatingly overwhelming. Loneliness falls from the […]Read More The loneliness of a domestic abuse survivor
It’s 4:39 in the morning and I haven’t slept. My insomnia started after I married my abuser. Looking back I think my subconscious was trying to tell me to run, warning me, sending adrenalin to my limbs to help me escape but I didn’t understand. It’s become worse now that I’m free of him and […]Read More Insomnia: A late night rambling from a survivor of domestic violence
Along my journey to understanding I was abused, one book has stood out: Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. There were many times reading it when I would gasp, cry out, burst into tears as I read something that rung too true. One section was the most helpful. Bancroft is a counsellor who has worked […]Read More Lundy Bancroft’s ‘The Water Torturer’ Part 1