We lose a lot as victims and survivors of abuse. One thing that may seem more philosophical and peripheral, but that actually can’t be overlooked in its damage, is the heavy and sharp blade of systemic injustice that cuts you from the world you thought you knew. You thought you understood bad and good, could […]Read More Recovery from domestic violence: that moment the world will never be the same again
In a previous blog post I touched on how important finding Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That, and the abuser types he has created after his many years of working with violent men. The Water Torturer was my abuser. According to Bancroft, a Water Torturer “proves that anger doesn’t cause abuse. He can assault […]Read More Lundy Bancroft’s ‘The Water Torturer’ Part 2
People don’t want to believe a person they love can be capable of abuse. Just look at what happens when a beloved celebrity is accused. People look for any excuse to defend them. People get hurt, they feel betrayed, they feel defensive like they were personally attacked or accused of something. (Bless the bravery of […]Read More Ego, Love or Fear? The Enablers of Domestic Abusers
I finally worked up the courage to go to a yoga class today. I’ve been going to gym but just to do cardio and weights, and I’m not really present for it: I ignore my body and just push through waiting for the session to be done. I’m supremely uncomfortable in my body: that weak, […]Read More How emotional abuse tore my body apart – Part 1
Explicit language warning. Victims and survivors of domestic violence are let down by the systems meant to protect them over and over again. For me one of the worst violations happened by my psychiatrist. There is mounting evidence that adults who have been traumatised as children are being misdiagnosed as having personality disorders or mental […]Read More Domestic violence victims and the misdiagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder
I’ve been thinking a lot about compliments lately. About phrases many women think they want to hear from the men who love them. One of the most common: “You’re so beautiful.” I’ve been thinking how many things that phrase can mean depending on the circumstance, the person, the couple, the power dynamic. If the man […]Read More Domestic abuse tactics: The danger of compliments
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? How do you find a word that describes the effects of non-physical abuse on the psyche and advocate for yourself when most people think physical bruises must be present for abuse to have occurred? I’ll stop ruining a beloved song from one of my favourite […]Read More How do you solve a problem like defining non-physical domestic violence?