Recovery from domestic violence: that moment the world will never be the same again

We lose a lot as victims and survivors of abuse. One thing that may seem more philosophical and peripheral, but that actually can’t be overlooked in its damage, is the heavy and sharp blade of systemic injustice that cuts you from the world you thought you knew. You thought you understood bad and good, could […]

An open call for Lundy Bancroft ‘Water Torturer’ victims

Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is a book that has helped me so much on my journey towards understanding I was abused. Bancroft has distilled his experiences with the many violent men he’s worked with over this career into distinct abuser profiles. The most subtle of these abusers he terms ‘Water Torturers’. […]

Lundy Bancroft’s ‘The Water Torturer’ Part 2

In a previous blog post I touched on how important finding Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That, and the abuser types he has created after his many years of working with violent men. The Water Torturer was my abuser. According to Bancroft, a Water Torturer “proves that anger doesn’t cause abuse. He can assault […]

Ego, Love or Fear? The Enablers of Domestic Abusers

People don’t want to believe a person they love can be capable of abuse. Just look at what happens when a beloved celebrity is accused. People look for any excuse to defend them. People get hurt, they feel betrayed, they feel defensive like they were personally attacked or accused of something. (Bless the bravery of […]

How emotional abuse tore my body apart – Part 1

I finally worked up the courage to go to a yoga class today. I’ve been going to gym but just to do cardio and weights, and I’m not really present for it: I ignore my body and just push through waiting for the session to be done. I’m supremely uncomfortable in my body: that weak, […]

Annihilation: the legacy of domestic abuse

Annihilation noun 1. an act or instance of annihilating, or of completely destroying or defeating someone or something: the brutal annihilation of millions of people. 2. the state of being annihilated; total destruction; extinction: fear of nuclear annihilation. 3. Physics. a) Also called pair annihilation. the process in which a particle and antiparticle unite, annihilate […]

Domestic violence victims and the misdiagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder

Explicit language warning. Victims and survivors of domestic violence are let down by the systems meant to protect them over and over again. For me one of the worst violations happened by my psychiatrist. There is mounting evidence that adults who have been traumatised as children are being misdiagnosed as having personality disorders or mental […]